Why?

Ok, so this is a bit nerve wracking for me. I’m generally a private person and I’ve become accustomed to keeping secrets but it’s time for that to change. To be honest, once I start, you probably won’t be able to shut me up! My name is Effie and my husband Jack is an addict. If you’ve ever loved an addict you will probably be able to relate to what I’m about to say. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS…ANYTHING! They just don’t understand. And when I say they, I really mean my mother and my Therapist. Why don’t you leave? Why don’t you kick him out? Why don’t you make him go to rehab? I can’t believe you’re still with him! I can’t believe you put up with that! Aren’t you tired of dealing with him? Yes I’m tired of it. Do you think I like living like this? It’s like having another teenager in the house only you have ZERO control! There’s two things about me that’s made this especially difficult. One, I like to have control. YOU CAN’T CONTROL AN ADDICT! And two, I’m a fixer. I see a problem no matter who or what it is, I want to fix it. YOU CAN’T FIX AN ADDICT! That’s something it took me a long time to learn and to this day is still difficult. So the question still remains. Why? Well, to be honest I barely understand it myself. I have been through so much because I stayed AND put Max through so much but I also feel responsible for Jack. You see, Jack is an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. He uses to cover it all up so he doesn’t have to think about it. And before you say it, no I’m not making excuses. It just is what it is. The statistics on drug and alcohol dependency in adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse are staggering.

So I guess we kinda answered the “Why” question. I feel responsible. And that my friends leads us to another Why? Why do I feel responsible? Which I will discuss next time! Good night all!